My son is a no longer a child, at least according to the law. He is 18 years old, registered for the draft and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound (OK - maybe not that last one).
As a "man" he feels a certain responsibility in the house. After all, once his dad moved out - he got to sit at the head of the dinner table - the 2 or 3 times a year we actually sat at the dinner table. Those responsibilities include picking on his sister, doing whatever his sister asks (after fighting with her about it), and explaining to me why he didn't do any of the things I told him to do.
I have to say, he is more likely to do his chores then his sister, I just have to tell him several times to do them. He also like to try to negotiate every little thing to the point of never actually dong anything.
Boy Child: I'll mow the yard if I get Outback for dinner.
Me: You'll mow the yard if you want dinner - period.
Boy Child: But we can still get Outback for dinner.
Me: Mow the yard.
Boy Child: So we're getting Outback.
Me: No.
Boy Child: But we have to have dinner anyway, and this way we both get what we want.
ME: Mow the lawn!
Boy Child: It looks like rain, I'll mow it tomorrow.
Me; It didn't look like rain when I first told you to mow -at least get it started.
Boy Child: I'd hate to get the lawn mower wet.
Me: It will survive.
Boy Child: It might rust.
Me: MOW
Boy Child: I have to go to the bathroom.
15 minutes later
Me: I was getting worried about you.
Boy Child: So about Outback for dinner...
Me: You haven't mowed the yard.
Boy Child: OK- I'll go mow and then we can get go to Outback.
Goes to the garage. Cant's start the mower. He comes back in a gets a drink.
Me; Why aren't you mowing?
Boy Child: It won't start
Me: Did you put gas in it.
Boy Child: No.
Me: You should try that.
Boy Child: How?
Me: The same way as last time.
Thunder
Boy Child: I told you it was going to rain. Let's go to Outback.
So when a new man came into the house, he realized his position of biggest pain in the ass could possibly be usurped. He wasn't sure how to take it.
He saw that on one hand - someone else to do those "Man Chores" mom is always asking him to do - on the other hand - someone who doesn't stand there and listen to his shit. Not that my fiance' has tried to tell him what to do (though he has tried to show him how to do some things) , it's more that he has told him to stop the games and just do what I tell him to do.
You would think I would appreciate this - and I do, sometimes. At other times, my fiance' doesn't get that we are playing a game that pokes fun of our own communication with each other. I don't blame him for not knowing the difference, sometimes we can't tell the difference either.
The deciding factor for my son was when we got engaged. He knew, even though she didn't say it, that his sister wasn't happy. So he said - he was against it. He was going to stand in solidarity with his sister. As long as she was unhappy about it - he was not going to accept it. Plus he doesn't want to share a bathroom my fiance's son. Most importantly, he doesn't want to lose the Media room.
Next up: The Media Room - When giving everyone what they want turns out to be the worst thing you can do.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
My Daughter - Master of Eye Rolling and Should Shrugs
My daughter is super smart.
Her grandmother often says she is smarter than all her grandsons put together. I am sure her grandsons do not appreciate the frequency she makes this announcement. I also do not believe it is an accurate statement. Her grandsons are all highly intelligent young men - they just have no sense of drive or direction at this point. Plus they are lazy.
My daughter on the other hand, while she can be lazy, has drive and self motivation. When I say self motivation what I really mean is she is motivated to make her brother her look bad. OK - not really look bad, just she likes to look stellar in comparison.
So she does her homework and gets good grades. She just started High School/College - a program where she will graduate High School with an AA degree (and save her mommy a fortune). So you can easily see why my mother (and I) would brag about her.
She is also a very social creature -though she doesn't believe it. Her friends are over all the time. They are into Anime and watch these "cartoons" (don't call them cartoons) in high frequency with her friends and brother. They do "Cosplay" and go to Anime Conventions and meetups and have a great time.
All of this would lead one to believe that she knows how to talk.
Unfortunately she only seems to have this ability with me when she wants something. (Example: Sometimes when I am chair dancing in the car I get a "no mom, no" as she shakes her head in what I like to believe is mock disgust.) Our main mode of communication are the eye roll and the shoulder shrug.
Me: Do you want shrimp for dinner?
Girl Child: Shrug
Me: Is that a yes or a no?
Girl Child: Shrug
Me: I don't speak shoulder.
Girl Child: Eye roll
Me: OK - spaghetti it is!
Girl Child - I said shrimp was OK.
Me: No you didn't.
Girl Child: I didn't say it wasn't.
Me: There is a difference. What do you want with the shrimp?
Girl Child: Shrug
I'm not sure I have asked a question and actually got an answer in over 3 years.
When I first brought my fiance' home to meet my children they were indifferent at best, rude at worst. After, my daughter asked why I needed to date. She felt that her and her brother should be enough for me. I tried to explain that adults have more needs then can be met from their children and at some point, if I have done my job right, her and her brother would leave me to live happy lives of their own. She didn't buy it.
I said in time she would understand. She already had friends who had boyfriends. She doesn't understand that either - "what's the point in "dating" when you can't actually go out on a date, seems stupid".
Anyway - she has been determined to not like my finace' - who we will continue to call "The Intruder" for the time being.
She did allow him to take her shopping once. She had a convention or something to go to and she really needed a shirt made with some funky design at the mall. And of course, being a teenager, she needed it NOW!!!!! So instead of waiting for me or my mother to take her later in the day, "The Intruder" was off work and offered to take her to the mall. Everyone was stunned when she jumped at the chance. His only the stipulation was - she couldn't spend the whole time listening to her iPod. To our disbelief, she agreed to that too. She didn't exactly talk to him, but she wasn't rude at least. She actually must have talked to him a little bit at least. I know this because not only did she come home the shirt she needed, but also a pair of $55 shoes, that he helped her purchase (by that I mean he lent her the money - but suspected he was never going to get repaid - which was a good guess).
Heck - she even let him take pictures of her (with phone) in her outfit to send to her friends (not something she lets me do without large amounts groans and those infamous eye rolls). You might think that this would have helped open her up a little and she would grow a spark insight that might say "this guy isn't all bad". Instead, for maybe 2 days, she didn't give him the evil eye. Then - back to normal.
I expected a giant temper tantrum when I told her "The Intruder" and I were getting married. Maybe even an "you don't love me" or "you love him more than me". But no - I didn't get anything. She looked me in the eye - held her gaze for a second - then shrugged and went back to what she was doing.
I'm still waiting for the explosion.
Next- My Son - The Charmer
Her grandmother often says she is smarter than all her grandsons put together. I am sure her grandsons do not appreciate the frequency she makes this announcement. I also do not believe it is an accurate statement. Her grandsons are all highly intelligent young men - they just have no sense of drive or direction at this point. Plus they are lazy.
My daughter on the other hand, while she can be lazy, has drive and self motivation. When I say self motivation what I really mean is she is motivated to make her brother her look bad. OK - not really look bad, just she likes to look stellar in comparison.
So she does her homework and gets good grades. She just started High School/College - a program where she will graduate High School with an AA degree (and save her mommy a fortune). So you can easily see why my mother (and I) would brag about her.
She is also a very social creature -though she doesn't believe it. Her friends are over all the time. They are into Anime and watch these "cartoons" (don't call them cartoons) in high frequency with her friends and brother. They do "Cosplay" and go to Anime Conventions and meetups and have a great time.
All of this would lead one to believe that she knows how to talk.
Unfortunately she only seems to have this ability with me when she wants something. (Example: Sometimes when I am chair dancing in the car I get a "no mom, no" as she shakes her head in what I like to believe is mock disgust.) Our main mode of communication are the eye roll and the shoulder shrug.
Me: Do you want shrimp for dinner?
Girl Child: Shrug
Me: Is that a yes or a no?
Girl Child: Shrug
Me: I don't speak shoulder.
Girl Child: Eye roll
Me: OK - spaghetti it is!
Girl Child - I said shrimp was OK.
Me: No you didn't.
Girl Child: I didn't say it wasn't.
Me: There is a difference. What do you want with the shrimp?
Girl Child: Shrug
I'm not sure I have asked a question and actually got an answer in over 3 years.
When I first brought my fiance' home to meet my children they were indifferent at best, rude at worst. After, my daughter asked why I needed to date. She felt that her and her brother should be enough for me. I tried to explain that adults have more needs then can be met from their children and at some point, if I have done my job right, her and her brother would leave me to live happy lives of their own. She didn't buy it.
I said in time she would understand. She already had friends who had boyfriends. She doesn't understand that either - "what's the point in "dating" when you can't actually go out on a date, seems stupid".
Anyway - she has been determined to not like my finace' - who we will continue to call "The Intruder" for the time being.
She did allow him to take her shopping once. She had a convention or something to go to and she really needed a shirt made with some funky design at the mall. And of course, being a teenager, she needed it NOW!!!!! So instead of waiting for me or my mother to take her later in the day, "The Intruder" was off work and offered to take her to the mall. Everyone was stunned when she jumped at the chance. His only the stipulation was - she couldn't spend the whole time listening to her iPod. To our disbelief, she agreed to that too. She didn't exactly talk to him, but she wasn't rude at least. She actually must have talked to him a little bit at least. I know this because not only did she come home the shirt she needed, but also a pair of $55 shoes, that he helped her purchase (by that I mean he lent her the money - but suspected he was never going to get repaid - which was a good guess).
Heck - she even let him take pictures of her (with phone) in her outfit to send to her friends (not something she lets me do without large amounts groans and those infamous eye rolls). You might think that this would have helped open her up a little and she would grow a spark insight that might say "this guy isn't all bad". Instead, for maybe 2 days, she didn't give him the evil eye. Then - back to normal.
I expected a giant temper tantrum when I told her "The Intruder" and I were getting married. Maybe even an "you don't love me" or "you love him more than me". But no - I didn't get anything. She looked me in the eye - held her gaze for a second - then shrugged and went back to what she was doing.
I'm still waiting for the explosion.
Next- My Son - The Charmer
Monday, August 19, 2013
Blended Family Time Together - better know as the Sound of Silence
Let's start out by saying - I love my kids and I love my fiance'.
I thought about adding- I just wished they loved each other, but that would be too concise and blasé. I know that I am more likely to win the lottery (I'm talking big money - not $5 on a ticket win) then for that to happen. I would settle for everyone to be in the same room together, holding an actual conversation with each other- but I don't see that happening in the near future either.
My children (ages 14 and 18) are of of the lights of my life. The reason for my existence. The purpose of everything I do...you get my drift. I went through the pain of childbirth (while allowing the doctor to fill me with large amounts of numbing drugs) and quit my (going absolutely nowhere) career for them (twice). So I feel I can say without much sarcasm, that I have done everything in my power to give them the best life possible.
I can also be truthful in saying that by doing this they may be a bit, hmmmm, what's the term...SPOILED.
I'm not saying they are spoiled rotten. They are not rotten. They are actually very good people who I am very proud of. I just might be a little more proud if they would vacuum and mow the lawn a little more often.
I also probably went a little overboard in the feeling guilty department when I was going through my divorce. Indulged them a little (or a lot) too much. So when I decided to bring another man into the house, even just to date- you'd have thought I was kicking them out to live under the freeway.
I will point out that I have been dating my fiance' (for this post we'll call him "The Intruder") for several years now. He and his son (8 years old) stay over at the house semi-regularly (sorry if this bothers anyone - but as I tell my mother -yes even at 44 I still have to tell my mother this- it's my life). They do not live at my house. "The Intruder" has drawer in my room and a minute amount of closet space, and yes, I do let him keep contact lens solution on the bathroom counter - but that doesn't mean he lives there.
Every night I get asked - is it going to be just us tonight? I want to say - well Santa won't be here until the end of Dec.- but I don't want them to hurt themselves rolling their eyes too much. So it's either Yes - and then I "good - what's for dinner" or No -groan, sigh "what's for dinner". Both followed by "can we get pizza?"
Sometimes for fun I 'll say - "If you want pizza you can call "the Intruder" and see if he can pick some up on the way." (The older one has actually texted him this request a few times - he will give up protesting of the relationship for brief periods of time if he is going to get food not cooked in front of him.)
Now because of the warm reception "The Intruder" gets, he doesn't feel very welcome when my kids are home. It doesn't help that well over 1/2 the time when he walks in - they go to their rooms or lock themselves in the media room (which is a whole other post).
"The Intruder" tried at one time to build a relationship with my kids, but for reasons we may or may not get into later - he no longer does, especially with my son. Yes, he feels guilty when they run away. He also feels rejected when they don't, but they don't want to deal with him.
They say he laughs too loud (he is a boisterous chuckler) and that he talks through TV shows (since we mostly watch The Daily Show and Colbert Report together - he does like to throw his personal feelings about the what they are poking fun at more than the rest of us tend too). They also say he makes bad jokes. They are wrong! It didn't make them, the bad jokes that he tells are probably very, very (I'm talking Henny Youngman probably) old.
So the personalities don't exactly mix. I keep trying to find things they have in common, but so for the only things I found is that they are all highly intelligent, stubborn, extremely cute and are fortunate enough to have my love.
Next blog....My Daughter - Evil Genius? Shy Nerd? Ruler of all Men? Only time will tell.
I thought about adding- I just wished they loved each other, but that would be too concise and blasé. I know that I am more likely to win the lottery (I'm talking big money - not $5 on a ticket win) then for that to happen. I would settle for everyone to be in the same room together, holding an actual conversation with each other- but I don't see that happening in the near future either.
My children (ages 14 and 18) are of of the lights of my life. The reason for my existence. The purpose of everything I do...you get my drift. I went through the pain of childbirth (while allowing the doctor to fill me with large amounts of numbing drugs) and quit my (going absolutely nowhere) career for them (twice). So I feel I can say without much sarcasm, that I have done everything in my power to give them the best life possible.
I can also be truthful in saying that by doing this they may be a bit, hmmmm, what's the term...SPOILED.
I'm not saying they are spoiled rotten. They are not rotten. They are actually very good people who I am very proud of. I just might be a little more proud if they would vacuum and mow the lawn a little more often.
I also probably went a little overboard in the feeling guilty department when I was going through my divorce. Indulged them a little (or a lot) too much. So when I decided to bring another man into the house, even just to date- you'd have thought I was kicking them out to live under the freeway.
I will point out that I have been dating my fiance' (for this post we'll call him "The Intruder") for several years now. He and his son (8 years old) stay over at the house semi-regularly (sorry if this bothers anyone - but as I tell my mother -yes even at 44 I still have to tell my mother this- it's my life). They do not live at my house. "The Intruder" has drawer in my room and a minute amount of closet space, and yes, I do let him keep contact lens solution on the bathroom counter - but that doesn't mean he lives there.
Every night I get asked - is it going to be just us tonight? I want to say - well Santa won't be here until the end of Dec.- but I don't want them to hurt themselves rolling their eyes too much. So it's either Yes - and then I "good - what's for dinner" or No -groan, sigh "what's for dinner". Both followed by "can we get pizza?"
Sometimes for fun I 'll say - "If you want pizza you can call "the Intruder" and see if he can pick some up on the way." (The older one has actually texted him this request a few times - he will give up protesting of the relationship for brief periods of time if he is going to get food not cooked in front of him.)
Now because of the warm reception "The Intruder" gets, he doesn't feel very welcome when my kids are home. It doesn't help that well over 1/2 the time when he walks in - they go to their rooms or lock themselves in the media room (which is a whole other post).
"The Intruder" tried at one time to build a relationship with my kids, but for reasons we may or may not get into later - he no longer does, especially with my son. Yes, he feels guilty when they run away. He also feels rejected when they don't, but they don't want to deal with him.
They say he laughs too loud (he is a boisterous chuckler) and that he talks through TV shows (since we mostly watch The Daily Show and Colbert Report together - he does like to throw his personal feelings about the what they are poking fun at more than the rest of us tend too). They also say he makes bad jokes. They are wrong! It didn't make them, the bad jokes that he tells are probably very, very (I'm talking Henny Youngman probably) old.
So the personalities don't exactly mix. I keep trying to find things they have in common, but so for the only things I found is that they are all highly intelligent, stubborn, extremely cute and are fortunate enough to have my love.
Next blog....My Daughter - Evil Genius? Shy Nerd? Ruler of all Men? Only time will tell.
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